Where have all the jobs gone?I seriously need a job, I need money urgently but then I also don't know what I need to use the money for. But still I really feel broke. I know why I need to find job so badly unlike others who can spend all they want and finding a job is the last thing they would do. That is because I don't have rich parents or rich boyfriend. hahaha. Sounds so materialistic right? But I guess I need to be realistic, there is no paradise. I really think I've become more cynical nowadays.
I really really want to be free. Although there are no more examinations for the moment, I can't feel that I'm totally free. Somehow, something is suffocating and preventing me from getting the freedom and happiness I want. I don't want to be restricted to do things that sound right. I just want to be happy. But apparently, I can't for some strange reasons I really can't.
I just want to get away but provided you let me go. I just want to continue without you. Somehow, you doesn't really make a difference to me now. I really don't wish to be tied down for no reason and I'm really not happy with my life now. I just want to get away myself.
5:39 AM;
in retrospect
Too much words to say, too much time to waste.
I used to lose focus while i was studying, thinking about what to do after A levels. There seem to be many things I want to do. There are some things I held back for very long, so now is time to unleash them and give them a nice ending. It is not very good to suspend them in the air halfway and nowhere. And I guess I can't really move on with that "thorn" in my heart. But how am I going to do about that?
thinking The most important thing to do is to recontact my old friends. We seemed to lose contacts already. But someone will have to initiate and maintain the relationship and that shall be me! It's quite sad to have lesser friends when I grow older. So, since I have the time I will take the initiative.
Next, I need a job! I need money to buy clothes, go overseas and also save for uni!
I have a dream now! It 's time to make initiatives to take a step closer and realise my dream!
9:52 PM;
in retrospect
It's 2:10 now. And I just cannot sleep. I kept turning and tossing around until I was so fed up with myself. So I get up and come online again. I need someone to talk to. But I couldn't find anyone. So, I can only blog. There's something wrong with me but I don't know what. Nobody can help me, I'm on my own.
11:16 AM;
in retrospect
I'm totally bored now. Suddenly, I feel that I've lots of time to waste although in fact it is not true. But I just cannot get myself to study now. I wonder how my classmates can pick up the momentum to mug again when the mood of playing still lingers. I've promised myself to get started after tomorrow. After tomorrow which is monday, we will be back in school again, facing the grades we are getting and I believe that is enough to knock some sense in me to get me going again. But now I only feel like doing nothing and waste life.
Sometimes have is equivalent of not having.
8:30 AM;
in retrospect
Here I am blogging again. Life has been great these few days. No mugging for me, I just need to take a break and catch up on what I've missed the past few weeks. But all these fun and simple activities are just temporary. As I have said earlier, they are rewards after a stressful period. And very soon, I'll be burying myself in notes and tys again. I cannot be completely free until 17 november. By then, I will have all the time to blog and doing all the simple things in life EVERYDAY, do until I'm sick of them. It's not far away from now, in fact it's near. It's just another 8 weeks from now. So, everything shall remain as it is and no one should be affected by anyone as nobody has the right to affect the person who is taking the A's.
7:35 AM;
in retrospect